She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
