Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize