In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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