My room smells like vodka and shame
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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