You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize