so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
