i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
