God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
