ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
