He told me they were just razor bumps!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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