3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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