3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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