12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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