I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
