hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
