I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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