you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize