Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My vagina is very pro this idea
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
