There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
