New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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