well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
