You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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