Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
