Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
