i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's get the cat blown out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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