my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
