whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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