last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
