Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
