FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
