I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
