Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize