I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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