I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
