he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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