Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
