So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
