i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
