If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
