I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
