In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
