She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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