I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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