wrigley field is MILF paradise
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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