Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
