I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
