I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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