She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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