i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
