we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
