my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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