Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize