oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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