he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
