when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
