I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
