3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
