I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
