Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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