i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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