I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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