he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
