I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize