god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
