just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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