the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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