Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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