u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're chasing vodka with high fives
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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