I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
