before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
