She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This house was built for laser tag.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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