But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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