well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
