Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
