I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
