Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
