I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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