No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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