I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
