she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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