One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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