I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
