when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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