I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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