I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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