you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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