i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
