so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
